Yes that's right, the budget was announced yesterday, and like all good performers Mr. Brown followed the time honored tradition of droning on for a while then dropping a bit of a bombshell right at the end to make everyone forget everything that he had just said and focus on the good news. Bad news, bad news, moderately good news, bad news, bad news, oh and I'm going to lop 2p off income tax.
To be fair to him, it worked on me for a while. I was listening to it all unfold on radio5, and while for the most part the changed he was announcing were of little consequence to me directly I was quite interested. Corporation tax is not something I lose sleep over generally, and I don't smoke nor drive a 4x4 so I was smugly thinking to myself that I had got away unscathed this year, then just as the jeers were rising in the commons, and Cameron was limbering up and practicing his one liners, Brown just happened to say that he was lowering income tax to its lowest level in 20 years or so. "Hmmmmm", thought I,”that sounds good to me."
And then I got to thinking, he's a politician, it's all smoke and mirrors really, he giveth yet taketh away surely. So, I went through some of the the other details of the budget, the bits he wants us to ignore, and found it. National Insurance will be re-aligned, political speak for increased. Obviously petrol is going up, so the two pence in the pound I no longer pay to the government in income tax will be paid instead in petrol. Oh, and this is the most interesting thing, the lower rate of taxation which currently stands at a mere 10% for those on low incomes, will be abolished. Now, this doesn't affect me in the slightest, and indeed getting rid of it will pretty much cover the governments lost revenue when the middle rate of income tax falls to 20%, but surely a left wing government should look after those on low incomes? Call me old fashioned but....
Anyway, back to the fact that all politicians are liars. Sweeping statement admittedly, but prove me wrong and I will gladly take it back. You see there's something that strikes me as slightly strange about politics and politicians in general. Basically, there is no legal requirement for them to do what they say they are going to do when they are elected. Put it this way; imagine you need some major building work doing at home, so you get three separate quotes. First fella comes round in a big red transit, he's a fairly skinny looking builder to be fair, obviously the brains behind the operation, but his mate who jumps out of the passenger door is a hefty looking sod who is obviously no stranger to a bacon sandwich. Now, they give the job the once over, have a pot of tea, the fat one writes a few things down in the margin of The Sun while the other fella does all the smooth talking. They leave, and say that they will post a quote out to you in a day or two. In the meantime, builder number two comes round, brand new blue Mercedes van, this fella isn't even wearing overalls and there's no sign of anyone else with him. He comes in and talks the talk, looks around a bit, asks for an earl grey, makes a few notes in the margin of the Telegraph, and leaves, the quote will be in the post in a day or two. Finally, builder number three comes round, an old timer in a little yellow Bedford rascal, the kind that will blow over if you sneeze. Now, he's a different kettle of fish altogether, he doesn’t even look at the job, he just asks who else has been round. So you tell him, and he tells you that what ever quotes you get he will match, but what he can promise is better service. He seems trustworthy enough, and he knows what he's on about, but when you ask him about experience on similar projects he clams up a bit, and beats a hasty retreat. Shame really.
Anyway, a few days later the quotes arrive and there's not much between them. So you make a choice based on the builders themselves. Either way, you have a quote and a detailed list of what will be done, so you make a choice and you are happy. Now, if this was actually a building job we were talking about, and the builders didn’t stick to the quote and the agreed job specification, then what you would do is take them to court, citing breach of contract or something, and probably win substantial damages. However, in this case what actually happens is that the builder in the red van turns up for day one on the job, with his fat mate in tow. They have a look, check the plans, check the job spec for the extension you require, throw it in the bin and build you a pond with an ornamental fountain. Every now and then the builder in the blue Mercedes drives past and shouts at them, and tells you that he would have done a better job. So you have a word with the red builder and tell him you're not happy and that you didn't agree to this and if you had known he was going to build a pond you would have chosen the other fella. He smiles, obviously, waves his hands a bit, and tells you not to worry, this change is necessary for the good of your house, and that anyway whatever he promised to deliver back then he now aspires to deliver in the future, and those aspirations will in fact become the long term goals for him and fatty. Furthermore, none of what he says has any kind of legal foundation anyway, to bollocks to you, he can't stand around chatting with you all day, he's got a big demolition job on up the road in Baghdad Avenue and he's got to get cracking before the council turn up and ask for his planning permission documents, which he hasn't got.
Right, in the words of another Gordon, "Sarcastic criticism of Budget - DONE"
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